Why am I so Hard on Myself?
Why does it always seem that no matter what you do, you can never be truly satisfied with your accomplishments? When you do something right, that is only meeting your basic requirements, but when you do something wrong you feel like an absolute failure. Why must you always be so hard on yourself?
Why does it never feel like enough?
First, you must realize that your thoughts, and thus your expectations, are completely within your control. Every time you choose to berate yourself, put yourself down, or be unhappy with your accomplishments, that is a choice you are making. You must realize that this standard you are holding yourself to is not a concrete reality, but a subjective viewpoint completely of your own making.
You are the one choosing to believe
you are not good enough.
You may argue that you are not meeting someone else’s expectations, and that is where your self-loathing comes from. My boss expects this, my partner demands that, my parents want this, you may say. You believe that it is because you are not fulfilling their needs or desires with your actions that you feel like a failure. The truth is, their opinions only determine your self-worth if you allow them to. Your thoughts are in your control, and nobody’s expectations become a way in which to measure your image of yourself unless you choose to do so.
Your thoughts are your choice, and nobody else’s.
You can continue to try and better yourself, fulfill your responsibilities to others, and accomplish more in life while never finding the need to punish your mind through suffering over your imagined ineptitude. You can realize that success and failure are subjective concepts, and that comparing yourself to others will always lead to sadness. You must make the choice to be kind to yourself when you fail, and to be happy with your successes.
You always deserve happiness and peace of mind. You must always choose this mindset.
Next time you fail, remind yourself that you are human, that failure is inevitable and can be the greates tool of growth in your life. Next time you succeed, remind yourself that no matter how small the victory, that you deserve to be happy with your accomplishment. No matter the circumstance, know that you always have the choice on how to view yourself, and that the expectations you always seem to be unable to fulfill are created by you.
Always remember that self-worth is completely owned by you. It is not reliant on other’s opinions or how you compare to their accomplishments. It is not determined by your failures vs. your achievements. It is always, and always has been, created and maintained by the thoughts you choose to have about yourself.
Start loving yourself as you should love all life. Relax, accept, and let go of your mental attachments to suffering and self-loathing.
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