To be a Better Me

        So much of our life depends on how we view ourselves. When we look at our reflection, do we like what we see? When we think about our actions, are we proud of ourselves? The answers to those questions have far reaching implications. If you are unhappy with yourself, it will have a negative impact on almost every other aspect of your life. So if you are expecting things to improve without first believing in your ability to succeed, you will continue to fight a losing battle against yourself. The first step in any form of self-improvement should be to learn how to love yourself, believe in yourself, and to know that you are capable and worthy of being better.

What ways have you made an effort in self-improvement? Was it a New Years resolution to achieve a healthier weight? Was it a commitment to professional success? If you failed in your efforts, I want you to remember your mental state at the time. Did you truly believe you could succeed or did you just halfheartedly think, “Yea that would be nice if I did that”?  Is this how you would motivate someone else? Do you think a coach could give an inspirational speech to his team by saying “Yea, I mean, you guys could try, or whatever”? If you don’t train your brain to expect success, it will not be ready to take action when an opportunity arises.

        When you failed, were you mad at yourself? Did you call yourself worthless? How well do you think your mind will be prepared to try again if you teach it that you are a pathetic loser? How willing do you think it will be to take chances? When it comes time to push yourself harder than you ever imagined to obtain your goals, will your brain be backing you up? Or will it be repeating what you keep telling it? If that is all your brain knows, that is what it will believe when the time comes to keep pushing or to just give up. When your brain doesn’t believe in itself, it will continuously give up on your efforts the second you encounter a bump in the road. It will stop, give up, and bathe in the self fulfilling prophecy you constantly reinforce.

We can not change this learned behavior overnight. If you grew up with your parents, teachers or peers telling you that you are not good enough, and then spent the last several years telling yourself the same, these beliefs are hardwired into your brains structure. Telling yourself, “You got this!” and then going right back to a self-destructive mindset the second you don’t get it, will not work. It took years for your brain to believe you are worthless, it will take many years of training your thought patterns to be rid of that toxic mental state.

           We need to see negative, self-loathing thoughts for what they are, neurological parasites that destroy our ability to better ourselves. We need to be able to identify when they are controlling us and constantly battle them with the only remedy that will cure them and that is positive thoughts. We need to praise ourselves when we do well, focus on the good in ourselves and our lives and consistently reinforce the idea that we are capable and deserving of better. When you fail you need to identify what went wrong, what you learned from that failure and how that knowledge will make you a wiser and more capable person going forward. When you are being tested and your goals seem out of reach, you need to counter every “give up” and “it’s pointless, you’ll never win” with “I can do this!” and “nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams!” When you stop repeating those negative thoughts and start repeating the positive ones, you will slowly start believing them until that is your default. Soon they will come without effort and that is when their true power will be seen through your actions, commitment and confidence.

        Whatever your goal of self improvement, know that the first step is to improve your mental state. Life’s battles are difficult enough, we don’t need to be fighting ourselves on top of that. Find those toxic parasites of negativity and shut them down every time they rise from the dark recesses of your mind. Replace them with a positive belief structure that will back you up in the trials of life. Know that you deserve better and that you can achieve better, and start this moment by telling yourself:

I deserve better

I am capable of better

I will succeed, because

I believe