Reaching Out

          Sometimes we find ourselves so deep in a hole of suffering that we can’t find our way out alone. Sometimes the only way to escape is if someone reaches out a hand to help lift you up. Some of us are lucky to have many hands held out to us our entire lives, while some never escape a hole they find themselves in because there is nobody there to help. We all need to see how much of a blessing it is to look up and see that extended hand, so we know how important it is to be the one reaching out when we see another in need.

          Humans are social creatures, we needed to be in order to survive. When the forests of our ancestors dried up and became grasslands we were forced onto the floor surrounded by animals faster than us, stronger than us and equipped with much sharper teeth and claws than us. We survived by scavenging, by out-thinking, but mainly we survived by working together. Through our combined efforts and intelligence we went from weak, starving, upright apes to the dominant species on the planet. Alone we are not much greater than our cousin apes, our true strength lies in our community. The ability to learn from each other and pass on knowledge through writing, how we can specialize in our skills allowing us to trade and mutually benefit from each others efforts, and our remarkable levels of altruism that exceeds all levels found in the animal kingdom are all ways in which we have risen together from such humble beginnings into the globe spanning and space traveling beings we have become.

  The importance of our social contact is immeasurable. That is why in prison, where you are locked up with murderers, rapists and thieves, the worst punishment you could receive is solitary confinement. We have evolved to need socialization and a sense of community, because we have learned that losing that meant certain death. With modern technology, isolation does not mean certain death, but I feel like it leads to a different type of death. Your loneliness begins to compound because when you don’t feel like anyone cares about you, and you become less likely to care for others. People can grow bitter, cold and even violent when they lose hope in a shared community of empathy. A negative cycle of reciprocity begins, where you further draw yourself away or hurt others in attempt to release your suffering on to them, yet it only creates bubbles of suffering that surround us and sink our lives even further into that hole.

          If you were lucky enough to look up and see a hand reaching out to you in a time of need, I want you to focus on how that made you feel. Think hard, because that moment may have been very subtle and you may have not seen it for what it was. It could be as simple as someone asking you “are you okay?” or sharing their food with you. It could be as small as someone giving you a genuine smile and eye contact, a small pat on the shoulder or a warm hug. Sometimes even the smallest acts of kindness can make all of the difference in our times of need. We may take these small acts for granted, but I guarantee there are many out there who have spent years without true human contact. People who feel like the world has forgotten them and that they have no one left in the world who cares. Reaching out to help someone doesn’t always mean doing something drastic or sacrificing in order to create a profound change in their life. While amazing acts of charity, selflessness and kindness are amazing and in no way should be diminished, we must remember the power of a smile, an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to listen.

   I am almost certain that most of you can think of a moment where someone has reached out, even in the smallest of ways, and for those of you that haven’t I plead you don’t give up and turn your back on those who you feel have discarded you. Regardless of whether you look up to a thousand hands reaching out or to none, know how important it is for you to be one of those hands to those around you. When you see someone suffering, do not turn away. Even if they do not want to talk about what is causing them to suffer, take a moment to sit with them and bring up another topic. Don’t pity them and coddle them, remind them of all there is to be happy about. Smile, maintain eye contact, if appropriate hold their hand, pat their shoulder or ask if they need a hug. Sometimes when we feel alone and helpless these small acts are all that are needed no ignite hope.

          In America we live in a very individualized society. While this is part of the reason for the economic dominance we have accomplished, it is also the root of a lot of our suffering. We are told that if we do not succeed on our own (“pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps”) that we are failures. We are constantly told that to be happy we must be rich, beautiful, self sufficient and strong. We are told that the weak expect help and need the coddling of others while the strongest rise and conquer life through the dominance of others. In so many ways we have lost that sense of community that allowed us to evolve into what we are today. So many lose hope when they are surrounded by a society that encourages competition over kindness and “rugged individualism” over empathy and seeking out help from others.

      
       We need to be confident in our strength to overcome challenges on our own, but humble enough to accept help from others when we need it. We need to appreciate the small acts of kindness as well as the more drastic acts of selflessness that others give us. We must remember that we braved the wilds together and grew to this level of greatness by helping one another. Nobody survives alone. We are all part of the same ecosystem of life and our reality and environment depend on our shared efforts and suffers when we forget that connection. We must remember that in our times of suffering it is okay to ask for help and it is okay to expect those around us to value our well being. If we expect this from those around us we must do our best to always be there to give assistance as well.